Showing posts with label Bollywood reviews (unfavorable). Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bollywood reviews (unfavorable). Show all posts

12 February 2008

Rethinking Kareena Kapoor

I don't know why this is news, but it is. It surprises me that I don't hate Kareena Kapoor. I am assessing her here as an actor; she may well be a terrific human being.

I had seen her in my first for-real Bollywood movie, Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon. (Why I returned for more, I don't know. Well, I do, but I'll save that story for another time.) Then I saw Bewafaa, which I mostly liked, even though she didn't thrill me. After this, I think I saw others. By the time I saw Omkara, I had seen her enough to be surprised. "Hey! I don't hate her in this!"

In Don, she was a vapid attempt at eye-candy, which can happen to lots of women in movies. Then I saw Chup Chup Ke, in which she played a young woman who was, inexplicably, mute. "Ugh," I thought, and worse. Who thought that someone could be a worse actor when silent than when speaking?* I avoided everything she was in, even when her co-star was one of my favorites. I said vile things under my breath while refusing to rent a large number of movies.

Then I saw Jab We Met. My inner straight woman 25-year-old just adores Shahid Kapoor. (My inner 25-year-old gay man wants John Abraham in the worst way.) "Hey," I thought. "She's not thoroughly annoying in this!" which was nearly high praise at that point.

I forgot about that, then saw Asoka this last weekend. While I am not prepared to cut her the same slack I do Preity Zinta, whom I like even when she's bad, or Juhi Chawla or Rani Mukerji or Kajol or Sushmita Sen, whom I would continue to wildly adore even if they were dreadful, I was impressed. She carried a challenging role with guts and brains.

I know I run the risk here of appearing far too superficial to do myself or anyone else any good, but since I may be the only one who ever reads this, I think I've figured out one thing I have disliked about Kareena Kapoor. Whoever does her makeup often draws too much attention to her mouth and makes her eyes too close together. She sometimes reminds me of Karen Black, armed with pounds of lethal lip gloss. It hurts my feelings. I want to see women in movies and real life who have more substance and less frou-frou shit. When Kareena Kapoor is not preceded onto the set by petroleum products carefully applied with a backhoe, I get to focus more on her acting, which can be OK.

But please don't ask me about Karisma.




*It amazes me. The same industry that accepts and even loves Hrithik's thumbs deals so badly with other atypical health conditions by
  • blatantly ignoring the realities of blindness (most blind people in Bollywood movies that I have seen, and not just those that are faking blindness, can not get out of a room once they have entered it unless they are assisted by someone sighted, flail their arms and heads around as if suffering psychotic episodes (don't get me started on Black), and can not tell where a speaker's voice originates) and
  • not requiring actors to limp on the same leg consistently during one movie and
  • making mental illnesses include lots of drooling, unless the person is a lovely young woman.

20 January 2008

Use your words, _Dil Se_

Believe me when I say there will be plot spoilers ahead. I'll give another warning when I get closer. If you haven't seen Dil Se and want to see it without knowing what I think of it, and without knowing important points of the plot, stop when you see "PLOT SPOILERS IMMEDIATELY AHEAD."

When I taught day care a billion years ago, wee ones were told, "Use your words" in the Brady Bunch-est tones of voice. We did it as a way of encouraging them to say things like, "Hey, Phil, that's my fucking Play-doh!" rather than using copies of Goodnight Moon in a way that would make certain unnamed intelligence agencies envious.

It didn't always work, but I can get with the idea. I'm a word person.

It always pisses me off in (non-Indian) movies when kisses are used to answer questions. The music and lighting tell me that I am supposed to interpret these responses as being terribly romantic. "Do you love me?" Smooch. "Do you have to go?" Smooch. "Will you marry me?" Smooch. "You're pregnant?" Smooch. "What's our ZIP code?" Smooch.

Please. The only question a kiss ever answered, in the history of the world, is this one: "Will you kiss me?" (OK, it may also answer the question, "What did you have for lunch?" but that rarely is a major point of plot development. And, OK, escape artists were said to receive the key to their locks in a kiss from their wives or girlfriends just before being locked in a barrel and sent over the falls, so perhaps the question answered there is, "Are we going to make a mint from this crowd or are you aiming for wealthy widowhood?")

All this is a long way around to saying that I didn't understand Dil Se (From the Heart) when I first saw it. I bought it in the fall's Bollywood Buying Binge, which required several explanations to people who receive packages at the front office at work that "Eros Entertainment" sells Bollywood movies, which usually don't include kissing, let alone anything steamier. (The fact that the announcer pronounces it as "ehr-OSS" and identifies the company as being named after "the goddess of love" cracks me up irreparably, I fear.)

It didn't help that it took me five or six days to watch the movie, in shifts. I don't remember why; I tend to have a better attention span for movies, especially those with Shah Rukh Khan (sigh), for reasons I will have to take up in other posts.

PLOT SPOILERS IMMEDIATELY AHEAD:

When I saw Dil Se in the fall, I wanted words. I couldn't understand why these two characters liked each other at all. He was obsessed with her with very little encouragement; she was distant, pouty, clingy, alternately indecisive and aggressive. She was Doctor Doolittle's pushmepullyou, an animal that only I seem to recall from the book, even though I don't think I ever read it. It's a two-headed llama-like mammal. (That could be bad for knitters; with no flanks, there's less acreage for growing yarn.) When the beastie wants to move, it tries to go in two directions at once. I don't find pushmepullyou people very enticing as potential partners, and I don't understand people who do.

I have had the Dil Se soundtrack in my car for weeks, alternating with Saathiya. A.R. Rahman is brilliant. The music does a fine job of moving the characters into position as soulmates, but the rest of the movie does not.
  • Part of this is because, as I said before, I need characters to use words, and most of the questions in Dil Se, by design, go unanswered.
  • Part of this is because most of the romantic connection between the characters is established in fantasy sequences; in their real lives, most of their communication is done with varying shades of irritation. She wants him to go away, he wants her to explain why she holds him off.
  • Part of this is because they communicate so much with eyebrows.

Shah Rukh Khan's eyebrows are just about trilingual. When I first developed my embarrassingly prepubescent Tiger Beat-worthy cinematic crush on him, I set about collecting pictures of him from the Internet. I couldn't figure out why none of them were adequate. I realized that one of the things I like about his acting is that his face is constantly in motion, acting and reacting to the situation his character faces. That means that still pictures will rarely capture the emotion that he exudes. This may well be what makes some people dislike him as an actor.

Monisha Koirala has expressive eyebrows, too, of the sort that would inspire poetry about small frightened birds and elegant butterflies and stuff. Some people would want to protect her, but after a while, I was thinking of medication for PTSD.

Now, I can get with eyebrows. I am very glad to have two. One arches menacingly, flirtatiously, full of question and caution and wry humor, as the situation requires. But my damned eyebrows can't be expected to carry a novel.

"Satrangi Re" ("[You] of the Many Colors," according to Bollywhat?) is one of my favorite Bollywood songs. The sequence illustrates difficulties in showing the struggle of the characters who are coming to terms with their love for each other. It's a mixed bag. The song includes some of the sexiest vocals (there's an alto!), but the choreography is, for the most part, pedestrian. (Perhaps after the amazing "Chal Chaiyya Chaiyya" Farah Khan got exhausted and farmed out this bit to her assistants.)

The staging is excellent, and there are a few good parts, but there are not many inspired dance moves in this sequence. The section in which the characters are in one costume, alternately adoring their metaphorically sexual connection, which is not the least bit foul, and then struggling to move apart, is great. I also love the section that's played backwards. It lends an otherworldly David Lynch-like air to the swirling garments without too many weird reminders of lines such as, "Sometimes my elbows bend backwards," or whatever it was that Laura Palmer said. The "Lovers' Pieta in the Snow" bit is lovely. But these are thirty-second stagings, not dance.

There are times when the characters' romantic conflicts get played out in this dance sequence with inadvertently comic results. The choreography and costume departments conspired on a "hearts in bondage" trope, a decidedly non-erotic scene, in which Monisha Koirala is wrapped in the stern lines from the QE2 and does a hobbled little sideways Charlie Chaplin-esque dance. What possessed them, I just don't know. In the scene where she is wearing a purple dress and shawl, the wind gets the better of her, and the lack of choreography is tangible.

This movie also includes a line that may work a lot better in Hindi, but in English subtitles, it's sadsadsad. At one point, he has been beaten up by her comrades (for the second(?) third(?) time) , and he calls her on the phone, asking, "Don't you feel our love is more important than terrorism?"

But I knew there was more there than I could see the first time, so I watched the movie again. And this time, I got it. These characters can't say what they mean. He, as a journalist, needs words to understand and connect, but he'll settle for the nonverbals because he needs something in his life that is not business. She relies more on gestures and action because she has had her words stolen from her by violence, but at the end she will settle for his words because they are more comforting, more personal than the words of her comrades in violent revolution. In the last scene, just before the explosive ending, she accepts his words as he accepts her actions.

And though I can not accept double suicide as the height of romance, within the context of this movie, these characters, I get it.

01 September 2007

What Would Rani Mukerji Knit?

Welcome to my new blog. The title of today's post is the old working name for the entire blog; fortunately, a friend helped me see reason. (Thanks, Kelly!) Bollywool is a little less obscure. It is a combination of Bollywood (itself a blend of Hollywood and Bombay, the old name for Mumbai, one of the movie-making capitals of India) and wool, and so is my life, once I have left work and am not in a coffee shop.

Who is Rani Mukerji, a.k.a. Rani Mukherjee? She's a remarkable actor whom I had mistaken for a half-witted ass-shaker until I saw her gutsy performance in Veer-Zaara a second time. Here's
a web site.

My answer to the question of what she would knit is
this, which is one of the projects I've got on the needles. She would most likely knit it as a wrap, as I am doing, by multiplying the cast-on number by three. Being a woman of glamour, she might knit it in hand-painted silk. Because I am a vegetarian who gets irreparably gacked out by the thought of obtaining fiber by boiling wee beasties alive in their cocoons, I am knitting it in this alpaca yarn (yuuuuuuuuuum) in black. I even gave in to the urge to buy Addi Turbos, the Maseratis of knitting needles. I was hesitant to use them because I have little tolerance for high-pitched noises, especially metallic ones, but I'm pleased with how quiet they are and how nicely the pointed tips help with this fine yarn being knit on big needles (US 10.5, 6.5mm, UK size 3).

Sadly, my knitting attention has been hijacked, mostly by the sizeable stash my mother bestowed upon me when I visited my folks in July. Said stash, which includes mostly solid-color wool yarn and some odd colors of acrylic, weighs in at several paper bags and a couple of boxes, and is probably 35-40 years old. Fortunately, it's permanently moth-proofed. I've got two red and gray striped hats going, waiting for me to locate an unoccupied set of dpns so that I can finish the tops. I've also been knitting small
log cabin blankets (from this book) for the local animal shelter from the Red Heart acrylic yarn that's from a time when I had less money and a lot less faith in myself as a knitter.

My mother used to transcribe Braille; she would read and re-format printed texts and transform them into Braille through diligence, magic, and a tremendous knowledge of the English language. She still uses Braille-esque abbreviations in writing, and I am her child. I always read "dpns," knitting jargon for "double-pointed needles" as "doupons," to rhyme with "coupons." For non-knitters (what's wrong with you?), bamboo dpns look like dowels sharpened at both ends. They are used for knitting in the round or for small back-and-forth knitting. They also keep annoyed knitters with long hair from becoming raving murderers when they have been beset by hot sweaty hair sticking to the back of their necks while trying to puzzle through a challenging pattern. Here's a
picture of them in their natural habitat.

After an epic clusterfuck battle with FedEx, I received a package the other day that includes six Bollywood and Bollywood-esque movies (Omkara, Mangal Pandey: The Rising, Monsoon Wedding, Mr. and Mrs. Iyer, two older movies I got on the cheap) and a song-sequence anthology. I still haven't watched Dil Se, so if the Bollywood pickings at my very favorite theater (
Galaxy Cinema) continue to be summer throwaways, with the notable exception of Chak De India, which was excellent, I will still be able to get my fix of good movies.

Soon I'll cajole Sarah into teaching me how to post pictures from the not-so-hot camera on my cell phone. To be just, she has agreed to help me; I keep forgetting to follow through on it. I'll see if I can get dog pics and knitting pics on here, too, and a few Bollywood movie reviews.

I'll leave you with this; if you're thinking of seeing Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag ("Ram Gopal Varma" is the director and producer and "Ki" is a possessive, so Aag is the title of the actual movie, as well as a pretty good onomatopoetic review)
, I have a few ideas here for more entertaining and fruitful pursuits:
  • use a spork to cover a clay canary with Cheez Whiz, paying careful attention to creating realistic feathers,
  • write an epic poem describing why the movie is not pride-inducing enough to justify including one's name as part of the movie's title (I mean, it's not William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet, fershitssake),
  • use the same gifted cast and bearable, if uninspired plotline, and write a movie worth actually watching, AND/OR
  • knit a movie-screen-sized warning (extra points for knitting the lettering in reverse stockinette and in larger needles so the writing appears to be backlit) about the horrid waste of talent and time that audience members are about to undertake.